Broken Heart

3 days straight. crying out of the blue. 

my heart is bleeding for so many families I don't know. 

the wickedness in our world is astounding.

there really aren't words.

I am generally not a worrier type parent. I love my kids to BITS. Sometimes I think my heart will burst because I love them so much-something you don't realize you have the capacity of until you become a parent. Loving your child is like no other kind of love on the planet. You heart hurts when they are hurting and the day they are born you want to protect them from any kind of sadness that the world may expose them to. 

Then a monster comes out of nowhere and wreaks havoc. Your world is turned upside down & all you can do is pray. Pray really hard. 

I can't bear to turn on the news. I've seen one news broadcast by Anderson Cooper-a parent who lost one of the sweet munchkins on Friday. Just by the way he spoke, I assumed he was LDS. He spoke of love & forgiveness. Of praying for not only the childrens families but that of the assailant. I sat in the dark, and sobbed as this father described his sweet Emilie. His words hit WAY TOO CLOSE to home. I could swear he was talking about MY baby, who was sound alseep in her warm bed. It was too much to handle. Mike and I both went into their rooms and grabbed our sleeping babes and snuggled them close all weekend. :( Though they don't know why we are hurting so much, they don't complain about the extra snuggles-but can sense the sorrow all the same. 

Today I was fine until I pulled up to Valley View Elementary. Then I couldn't stop the tears. Police officers standing guard, flag waving at half mast. I tried so hard to hold it back. Thoughts flooded my mind & my heart literally hurts. EmmaLee (who we have shielded from information regarding recent events) asked why I was sad and said "Mom, It's ok. I'll see you afterschool" as she skipped/ran into the arms of her teacher ready for another day of Kindergarten adventures-in a school where she feels safe and loved while she is away from home :( Such innocence. I seriously can't stop sobbing. After dropping her at school, I could hardly breathe. I had so many mixed emotions. In my mind I see Emee's classroom with bodies all over the floor and terrified kids who just want their momma's. I sobbed so hard I couldn't see where I was driving and had to pull over. Bryce didn't say a word in the backseat. When we finally got home he said "You are having a sad day huh Mom?" :( I can't exactly explain to my 4 year old baby that inside I feel like I sent a lamb to slaughter by dropping his sister at a school she loves. I know in time the fear and anxiety will go away, and we will all heal from this tragedy but right now all I feel is sorrow. 

twas' 11 days before Christmas, around 9:38

when 20 beautiful children stormed through heaven's gate.

their smiles were contagious, their laughter filled the air.

they could hardly believe all the beauty they saw there.

they were filled with such joy, they didn't know what to say.

they remembered nothing of what had happened earlier that day.

"where are we?" asked a little girl, as quiet as a mouse.

"this is heaven." declared a small boy. "we're spending Christmas at God's house."

when what to their wondering eyes did appear,

but Jesus, their savior, the children gathered near.

He looked at them and smiled, and they smiled just the same.

then He opened His arms and He called them by name.

and in that moment was joy, that only heaven can bring

those children all flew into the arms of their King

and as they lingered in the warmth of His embrace,

one small girl turned and looked at Jesus' face.

and as if He could read all the questions she had

He gently whispered to her, "I'll take care of mom and dad."

then He looked down on earth, the world far below

He saw all of the hurt, the sorrow, and woe

then He closed His eyes and He outstretched His hand,

"Let My power and presence re-enter this land!"

"may this country be delivered from the hands of fools"

"I'm taking back my nation. I'm taking back my schools!"

then He and the children stood up without a sound.

"come now my children, let me show you around."

excitement filled the space, some skipped and some ran.

all displaying enthusiasm that only a small child can.

and i heard Him proclaim as He walked out of sight,

"in the midst of this darkness, I AM STILL THE LIGHT."

Written by Cameo Smith

Isn't it time we let God back in our schools?